Sunday, August 19, 2012

Exactly How My Mind Works

So our internet is officially back today! I have to start working again to make up for my missed classes since the habagat last week.
My mother and I had a verry awkward conversation a while ago.
I got headache from it and my mood went sour.
My boyfriend cooked food for me today, so very sweet. :)
It's our 5th month anniversary.
When does the line of a women's instinct stops and simple paranoia begins?
I am tired of my life. This is so draaaaagggiiingg.
My boyfriend and I were talking about things a while ago.
I want to learn Japanese.
Then we'll go to Japan.
I will take a picture of Cherry Blossom trees on spring.
We'll have a picnic under the Aurora.
From another country, not from Japan of course.
My sister just went inside my room talking about guitars.
I want to learn the guitar.
And I want to learn how to play Marry Your Daughter on piano because he wants to learn that.
And I want to teach him. Though I can't play the piano.
I have this feeling that things are getting a bit different around me.
I don't know why, but I am scared of what this would bring.
But mostly, I'm scared of the fact that I might be right.
I do fucking hope not. Because that would suck. Big time.
Might be just me and my imagination running away from me again.
Ohhh. Now I know why I have this headache.
It's because I kept thinking about that thing.
That thing that he might not be as interested anymore, or that he might got used to the idea already and nothing's new under the sun.
That nothing's challenging or engaging.
But really, just paranoia.
From the fact that people can change their mind anytime.
And people might see you as you truly are, uninteresting.
I want to apply to a call center already.
I think the reason why I can't step forward is because I don't know which stepping stone to take.
If I get another job I would entirely leave my profession.
And if I don't I would always wait for that call, wherever I am, whatever I am doing. Ready to make a u-turn. And that's no fun.
I'm out.
Going to eat pizza.

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