As I scroll down my timeline, I see lots of posts from friends already starting their own family. Pictures with their kid, statuses on how far along they are already, and the best one's so far, videos of their adorable babies.
And I am sitting here and smiling at their adorableness, but inside it's like, "What the..??"How? Where? WHY? I couldn't imagine myself going through what they are going through right now. I know that life is a gift and nothing happens for a reason, so it must be really just their time to be a mother.
I know that maybe sometimes they also get fed up, they also cry and they also ask themselves why. But why is it that they look happy and contented? (duh! It's facebook! That's why.) Is it because they really have finally found an unlimited supply of happiness and inspiration for life? Is it because they've come to realize the beauty of being a mother and a married woman though they still aren't sure on what do with their lives?
If I put myself into their position right now and suddenly becomes pregnant, then all hell would break lose I think. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I think my mother would disown me for a while but then would sigh as she picks up her working shoes again later on. The working shoes that should have been mine. No work for my child, no money to feed my unborn kid, no savings for his college, not even an experience to make him grow up a better kid than I was.
Then again, there are two kinds of fathers on my facebook newsfeed: The ones that can support you, and the ones that can't. A couple or more of them have husbands that can support their family. So even though they don't work and remain as a stay at home mom forever, it's alright. How lucky?
And the remaining ones has the same status as the mother, the working class, the still can't find a job and worst, the still studying ones. Now, now, I don't want to step on anybody's foot because I also have friends that chose to be early mothers, and I really am at awe on how they managed it. So what I am thinking right now is not about the mistaken cell that out swam his parents dreams, but about its aftermath.
I realized that being an early mother, or in an honest case, having an unwanted pregnancy, solely depends on the amount of money you have. If you ask me right now what I'd chose, I would chose to be a mother any day. That I think is my calling. It's not even remotely close to being an easy job, I know. But in my heart, I know that I wasn't made to work forever. BUT of course, it would depend on who's asking. IF that father to be is the love of my life at the moment, IF he can support himself, me and my child, IF he can guarantee to give my child a fighting chance in this world, IF he can give my child food, clothing, shelter and education and IF he could give me my dream business all at the same time, then by all means, let's start a family!
In short, the answer is no.
I've come to realize that I have high dreams for myself, that I am sorely frustrated by the speed of my life. Okay, Lord, that wasn't a challenge. I don't want or have to start a family right now, I was talking about the working and saving part!:D I have dreams, I have education, I've made moves. Then what's missing with the equation? Time, I suppose. The endless days of waiting for the right moment and opportunity to come. That final time that everything would turn around. Time. Time can be bought as it turns out, but time, is liquid gold.