The truth is I feel lazy to go to this thing I signed up for for 3 weeks. But I can't back up now, because one, I don't want to. Two, I need the money for my new netbook and three, I hate staying here doing nothing.
But I really, really, really do not want to go :(
I don't know anybody there! The one time I went to something similar, I didn't know a soul! Maybe that's the problem, now that I think of it. Maybe it's because I rely on others too much that I can't function if I don't have a friend beside me. Seesh. I just hope, I get to meet new friends there.
We are where we are supposed to be right? That's my belief.
Okay, that could work. Enough pep talk.
I am starting to feel nauseated when I think of hospitals and trainings and jobs. I feel really bad. I'm starting to think that it is my fault that I still don't have a job and not the fault of the unlimited unemployment here in the Philippines. I feel that I am not doing enough, but I don't really know what else to do! If I only do, I would do it. Do I know?
Who wants to sit on their butt and look at everybody a step ahead of her? I know, I know. I've written a piece about it before. But come on! Sometimes, it doesn't matter how strong my conviction is, I still feel it.
When that happens, I just think that I am not alone (yet). I still have some people I know who's in the same position. But darn it! That last interview really pulled my soul down. But I deserved it didn't I? That wasn't my best. I didn't gave them the best I could. Why did I go there halfhearted?
When I was still in college, I always tell myself that when I graduate and eventually pass the board, I will never be choosy. I will take whatever job there is. And here I am.
I can't believe I forgot to tell you this one. I had my first ever lucid dream yesterday morning! But I would tell you tomorrow, I am really sleepy now. I hate this.
Okay, back to blogging tomorrow. My schedule is so messed up.