Monday, June 27, 2011

Memories Of The Heart

No cooking for me today. My tita made puchero (I think) last night and there's still some today.
What I am doing right now is reading. I came across this link "What did Jesus look like?" and so I went.
They gave lots of points which I believed. Though I still am not sure how he looked like I am sure of one thing - He doesn't look like the way He's portrayed nowadays. He doesn't have blue eyes and he is probably dark skinned. As I have told you before I have a different belief regarding faith and religion so whatever he looks like don't bother me much. Will read more later.
Here's somewhere you could start: What did he look like?

Have I ever told you that when I was a kid, some weird things happened to me. And as a kid whose eyes are open to everything I am now and adult who doubts if they were true. Though might sound crazy/funny/stupid to you, but to me, deep in my heart, I believe them. And I have experienced and saw those things with my unmasked heart and eyes.

I have three stories that are still clear from my mind.
1. When I was a kid, I fall down the stairs a LOT of times. I can't count how many times I visited out local 'manghihilot' for broken arms or shoulders.
Then there's this one time, way way back when I was just 3-5 years old. Our stairs was 13 steps high. I was having breakfast, I don't know why, on side of our stair landing. Maybe I was watching TV, who knows?
I was eating pandesal and the whole paper bag was with me. Again I don't know why I was playing up and down the stairs, but I was. And then I slipped. From the top of the stairs all the way down to our stair landing. I can't remember if I had cried or not. All I can remember is I stood up shockingly, because my head fell on the bag of pandesal. No idea how it got there because I wasn't eating on the middle of the landing. And if let's say I accidentally left the bag there as I was playing, what are the odds that my head would fall exactly at the bag cushioning the blow?

2. Like every other kid, I always get lost when my mama and I go out. When she shifts her attention to something, I'm gone. So there's this one time we were at the church. I think that the mass was done because from what I can remember, the people were already going out. And there I was, a little kid walking curiously around the big big church, when I suddenly realize that I don't know my way back anymore. I didn't cry - that I am sure. I just walked and walked trying to look for my mama - when these two tall women approached me. The other one bent down and asked me "Hinahanap mo ba yung mama mo?" (Were you looking for your mother?) Then she pointed behind me. Surely enough my mama was kneeling on one of the pews and praying. I don't know If I even looked back to the ladies or I just ran towards my mama. I don't know if even I looked back to them, I would see them still standing there. How did they even know I was lost or my mother was there? Maybe they were sitting behind us during the mass, these blessed people who kept me from being kidnapped or maybe they're just simply my angels keeping me in sight. All I remember is two tall figures with faces I can't see because the sunlight was shining behind them.

3. This last one was from a dream. I was on our third floor balcony and I was looking face to face with Jesus himself. He was outside the balcony though, floating in the air. I can only see half his body and head. He looked like the way he was always depicted. He had long, wavy, brown, shoulder length hair, brown eyes, a beard and in white, He was just smiling at me. Baby angels happily flying behind him.
Every time remember this dream I feel all good and calm inside. Like, there's no use of worrying because there's nothing to worry about. Like He's in control and everything's going to fine. And it's really a very nice feeling.

You may call them memories of an imaginative kid. Aren't all our memories are? But the thing is, I believe a kid can really see things adults cannot. With their innocence, they believe everything they see and so I will keep on holding on to these memories. I will keep of believing.

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